Other Somewhat Serious Thoughts and Movie Analogies

I thought it about time to return to the blog. I had skipped looking and writing on the blog for two or three days for several reasons.
First, I couldn't look at the pictures of Allison and family. It reminded me of a past I could never recapture. I desperately wanted our pre tumor life back. Imagining living life with tumor (hopefully well on the way to eradication) was so foreign and utterly distasteful.

The other reason I stopped looking at the blog: I felt uncomfortable being called a great parent or dad. This thought will require a bit more explaining.
The blog in its initial week was a mental life saver for me. Every ones thoughts and comments truly made me feel I wasn't alone. After a week, the blog began to upset me. I honestly didn't like reading what "great parents" we were. I completely understand the positive intentions of the comments but i guarantee that I did NOT feel like a great dad.
My take.
Dads and moms, at least in this scenario, step up to the plate because you don't have a choice. You learn, and very quickly, that you either face your very new reality or you melt. I did melt for a period, Di and a few of my neighbors can vouch for that. I returned to the "planet of lucidity," as i like to refer, because I had no choice. Its really that simple.


First movie analogy. I have never seen the movie ET, yes that's right, never. However I do remember the main premise of ET unable to contact his own alien friends. He builds a box or something attempting to "phone home." I think about this, at night only, because Allison has a red pulse ox on her little finger. In a dark hospital room, that is all you can see floating around. I have these visions of Allison raising her little 6, almost 7, year old finger and saying her first words since surgery. Hopefully something more profound than whatever ET actually said. I keep thinking she will stick that red finger in the air and quietly say "THIS REALLY SUCKS."

Second movie analogy. Happy Feet. I have seen this on DVD in the hospital twice now. I am Memphis the emperor penguin. Male emperor penguins spend long winters watching over and sitting on their wives's eggs. The female penguins go off on the fish hunt. Due to benefit issues, Di will likely be headed back to work quickly. The importance of secure and lasting benefits for Allison are of paramount importance now. I am self employed and, other than health insurance, have no benefits. No sick/vacation/flex time or whatever. I am eating my office overhead rapidly now. However on the hugely positive side, I can be flexible with my hours due to having great and understanding partners. I also have a job which I can return to and quickly, hopefully, rebuild. So why am i Memphis the emperor penguin? Cuz I'm gonna sit on Allison and Emily for the next month or so and hatch em. And I don't drop anything.

Allison continues to make progress. We may be transferred to rehab in the AM. Possibly home within a week. As long as she is making progress here, we will continue to utilize the deep resources of Childrens Hospital. Home seems that much closer to us though.............
Brian