I never new there were so many ways to cry. I never knew there were so many emotions that could make you cry in different ways. I have spent the last 6-7 days exploring and experiencing crying. I cry over what was, what could and should have been, what will happen with the chemo or xrt, will she have lasting complications from this infernal posterior fossa syndrome. There have been many other emotional expressions over the last week but none as primal as crying.
I have also found that crying helps. It helps particularly when you cry in front of friends and family who listen and give sound advice. It helps to cry when you realize an entire neighborhood and family is behind you even though I feel like I am in a black hole with no chance for escape.
Allison has had several fevers today, source unknown currently. They are attempting to chase the source but none found yet. Hopefully a simple glitch to fix in this illness but this rollercoaster doesnt seem to end.
Allison has had a long day with therapy as well. She was a trooper yet again in physical and occupational therapy as well as speech therapy. Some progress but this is indeed a slow march. A meeting with the neuro oncologist laid out a road map for us for the next 12-14 months.
Someone mentioned an ironman in one of their posts; an ironwoman in this case. Winner : ALLISON ANN WINN
Brian
Coco-Pipi Litvak-Winn!
Adopted by us on Thursday September 25th
Fun times at Sky High Hope
Allison paints Steve Withrow's hair pink and his beard green!
Hospital Blowdown pictures
Allison and Nick and other friends before the pinata bashing
Daddy covered in shaving cream
how silly!
Us, November 2007
These photos were taken by an amazing foundation, Flashes of Hope, which takes portraits of families during treatment as a keepsake or remembrance of the experience of treatment.
14 comments:
Pearl and I are thinking of you all and sending our love from Wisconsin.
- Jesse
We are continuing to send our positive thoughts from Castle Rock. We are checking in daily and so much appreciate your taking time and energy to include us in your lives. We have forwarded the information to our Temple and you now have several others sending their positive energy to you...you are a very special family - every one of you! We are living every day to the utmost in honor of you!
Karen, Mario, Ty and Jake Scholl
Brian and Dianna,
Sounds like another hard day (fevers, the long "roadmap") sprinkled with some positives (Allison, the trooper, doing her best in multiple therapies). I am glad it helps to know that people are thinking of you all. I spent part of the morning in Allison's class today. I wish you could have heard those sweet first graders talking about their hopes for your girl. Ella talked about saying a prayer for her last night. Drew talked about making a wish for her. I hope you know how much positive energy a roomful of six-year-olds can generate. I hope Allison could feel it over at Children's this morning.
Mary
Mary
I know it is a long road ahead, but you are literally in many, many thoughts and prayers, day by day, hour by hour. Take all the time you need for your selves, and we are here to help to take care of anything else.
For my cousins, The Winns: Just got off the phone with your mom, Joyce to get an update on how you are all doing. Wish I could be there for a hug, but just know that your family is hugging you from Pueblo. Family is everything when the going gets tough, and from the comments I've read on this page, you've got some kind of etended family pulling & praying for you! You are loved, Melanie & Jeff in Pueblo.
Brian, yes. There are many, many emotions... And, we're all crying with you. The tears will keep streaming, but we're also filled with great hope for Allison. She's strong and yes, she is a trooper. There's enormous love and support that she knows is there for her. Allison will sense it, feel it and will begin to heal. Trust that she'll get through this with all the ups and downs, and you guys will too. We'll fight this together.
Brian
From "Free to be You and Me"
It's Alright To Cry
It's alright to cry,
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's alright to cry,
It might make you feel better!
Raindrops from your eyes,
Washing all the mad out of you.
Raindrops from your eyes,
It's gonna make you feel better!
It's alright to feel things,
'Though the feelings may be strange.
Feelings are such real things,
And they change and change and change.
Sad and grumpy,
Down in the dumpy.
Snuggly, huggly,
Mean and ugly.
Sloppy, slappy,
Hoppy, happy.
Change and change and change.
It's alright to feel things,
'Though the feelings may be strange.
Feelings are such real things,
And they change and change and change.
It's alright to know,
Feeling come and feeling go.
It's alright to cry,
It might make you feel better!
It's alright to cry, little boy.
I know some big boys that cry, too.
THREE BIG CHEERS FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE ROOTING FOR "TROOPER" ALLISON
GRANDMA JOYCE AND PAPA RON FISHMAN
I've been in DC the last few days, staying with Jon and Denise. We've talked a lot about you all - how strong Allison is; how powerful, eloquent, and honest you both have been with your posts; how much Sydney loves to play and be with Emily; and, mostly, just how much we are pulling for Allison.
I have no idea when it will turn and get easier, but it will. Eventually. It will. Keep feeling the strength and love from all of your friends. Squeeze Allison's hand for all of us and tell her we love her.
I'm planning on brining Emily to the soccer game tomorrow unless the snow thwarts us. We've got your bookstore shift covered on Sunday.
Enough with logistics...feel our love.
The Maysmiths (and Goldin-Dubois')
I was watching the movie "Barnyard" with Josie and one of the cows started signing a Tom Petty song, one line of which seems very appropriate right now: "You can stand me up at the gates of hell but I won't back down." We all need to keep hoping and planning for Allison's bright future. No matter how hellish things seems don't back down!
xoxxo Ashley
You have all been so constantly on our minds since we heard the news. I have no wise words to offer. Our tears mingle with yours with every posting. We hope that soon we'll have the chance blend instead - smiles and giggles - as it should be.
Mark, Julie, Elliot, and Olivia Earnest
Brian (and Diana)-
I cry everytime I read these posts, also for a range of reasons: from the unjustice of Allison beng sick at all, to the greatness of community and the human spirit.
I keep thinking of Allison when she was with me last summer at school and how when she was uncertain about something it would sometimes show in her eyes. She would ask questions, listen carefully, taking in what I was saying to her, then smile and move forward. Still uncertain but willing to give it a try. I know Allison will face this trial in the same way. She is a beautiful, and brave child and she definitely has the best love and support from family and friends. And thanks for keeping us posted I know it can't be easy.
Love to you all, Carla
Dianna and Brian:
I've been checking your blog each morning from work--I'm sending positive thoughts, and hope that each day gets better for you and for little Allison. Your ability to articulate your feelings on the blog during this terrible time is truly inspirational. Allison is lucky to have such amazing parents--your strength is going to help her through this ordeal.
Take care--
Lisa
Brian and Family,
My prayers and thought are with you guys stay strong and think positve thoughts,
Best Wish!
Sandra
From the office
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